All over the world, people get to celebrate this day with a special person. And gifts are also exchanged at this time. From Stuffed animals and Teddy Bears to a Bae Coupe to a romantic vacation to one of the illustrious islands, the amazing gifts are simply too numerous to mention. It is definitely the season to throw caution to the wind, spend that guap anyhow…then come back a few days after to binge on eko ati akamu and stay on brokeness-imposed-fasting till its pay day.
It is also during this amazing season that some stingy-stingy souls will give Bae gifts that have no right to be classified as gifts. Some funny-funny gifts like flowers, ribbon, chocolates, toothbrush and comb. Comb? Comb?? Holy Blood!!! Did Bae tell you her hair is so unkempt that it has become an abode for lice and dandruff? I mean, who wants Bae to get angry and throw those godforsaken flowers on their faces.
And what does she need a ribbon for? Did she tell you she wants to attend a Neighborhood BaiDay Party while tying her hair with ribbon? She resemble doll-baby for your eye? Noo Naa! And the chocolates? For wetin? Are you trying to sabotage her FitFam status? C'mon Bro…that ain't right!
So without much further ado, we bring to you a list of the perfect gifts you SHOULD give Bae this Valentine Season. Just read and stay blessed:
An Amazing Gift Basket: Now this is a basket that has sleek designs on it with astonishing contents inside. Mind you, this basket is different from the normal baskets that they use to pack foodstuffs by the roadside leading to Ketu-Mile 12 food market. Please, ezz not dat one o! So don't go and embarrass the Male folk and say TNC told you so. Abegi! This type of basket we are talking about has nice designs and should contain exotic gifts like Anti Nagging Breath Spray, a bottle of vintage white wine, any of those human hairs (Brazilian, Chilean, Hungarian, Cameroonian), the latest iPhone 6 (with those really creepy phone covers), a coke bottle with her name on it, and so on. Awww…warraromance? Shebi you want to rekindle your love with Bae ni? In this 21st Century? Then these are the gifts that should be inside the gift basket. No need to put toothpaste, toilet paper, deodorant, shaving stick and then scribble down erotic poetry on a piece of paper and include it amongst the gifts, because she will tear it into pieces in front of you.
We warned you o!
Your Heart/Soul/Body/Wallet/ATM (all combined): Now, mind you…giving her these items doesn't make you a 21st Century Mugu. Noo, Noo, it doesn't! It simply means you are a rare species of fuck lover boy. You should give her these items mentioned (in combination) while John Legend's All of Me plays in the background. Olorun, the gyal head go scatter totally. She will be yours forever. Her family will accept you without thinking twice. Her friends will call you Egbon. Chineke eh…no romance pass this one, aswear.
There is no need to go and waste money purchasing love charm at Ikirun. These gifts are more than enough charm to enchant Bae for the rest of her life. Try it and see how it goes, OK?
Makeup Kit/3D fingernails: Awww, a makeup kit is easily Bae's best friend. Or even more like her twin sister. So my brothers, this should definitely be in the list of gifts you gotta give Bae this season, unless she is a member of Deeper Life or worships at Mountain of Fire and Brimstone. But don't be surprised when the makeup comes off and Jennifer Lopez (that was staring at you not too long ago) does an Optimus Prime and transforms to Leslie Jones or Aristide Bance, the famous masquerade footballer. And the 3D fingernails? Awesome, right? Exactly! But your back will resemble that of a victim of a witchcraft attack after all the digging and scratching that goes with making love and phucking.
Awww, what a cheaper and more affordable way to get a permanent tattoo of the splendid love both of you share! So my brothers, this is definitely a perfect gift to give Bae this season.
A Memorable Event: It could be a candlelit dinner (that involves one of you actually getting burnt by the candlelight). Or a gift voucher to her favorite Spa. Or take her to a show she wouldn't forget in a while. Heck, y'all could even go see an enthralling movie at the cinema. And while there, make sure to engage in one or two naughty acts to remember. Going to an amusement park and riding on a Jangolova is also a memorable event to remember, while singing 'Jangolova epo moto'. It will definitely make her feel like a baby again.
Awww…how sweet! But while there, just make sure she has something to remember from the occasion. It could be shoving her a little so she'd fall down from the swing and have a bruise tattooed permanently over her knee joint. So that it will be a symbol to remember the special love you guys once shared, if peradventure you guys decide enough is enough and go your separate ways.
Sleek Lingerie and Bra: Not granny pant o! No, No, No…NEVER! Or those very big ones that will cover the whole nyansh leaving nothing to the imagination of Awon Boiz. The type that will cover the whole clothesline after you wash it. When I say sleek lingerie and bra, I mean the type that Bae would put on and Bobo would literally wanna chop and eat and munch and lick and…
Okay, enough of this rottenness from my mind. Lol! Now mind you, giving Bae this gift doesn't send a signal that she has horrible pants that need to be changed. No, it doesn't (well, in some cases sha). But she'll definitely appreciate the kind gestures and get you some nice boxers and briefs in return.
Word to Mutha: So dear brothers, there you have it…The Five Perfect Gifts to Give Bae This Valentine Season, brought to you exclusively from the stables of TNC. But we gotta warn y'all beforehand: while giving these gifts, you are on your own o. And hopeful (very soon), we'd bring to the ladies the perfect gifts to give Boo this season. Till then, stay blessed, have fun, feel good and Hasta la Vista!
0 Comments:
Post a Comment