I know it's easier said than done but that doesn't change the fact. I always say that I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I used to be. There was a time in my life when my past was my present and my present situation was my future. We can't stop time, the clock will keep ticking, the days will go by… Life will go on. With each new level, comes a new concern. I am convinced that every human being is a fighter and warrior in his/her own right. It is no mean feat to live. No matter how beautiful we look on the outside, how 'put together' our life is; we are all fighting a battle. Experience has taught me that no one battle is easier than the other. I guess that's what comes with the package.
Some nights I sit up and have conversations with God, I ask Him to explain what the whole 'hullabaloo' is about. I tell Him how frustrated I am sometimes and borderline upset with Him. I wonder why He trusts me so much to allow me go through hassles that I am sure will kill me. I remind Him that I am not Job, so He should quit whatever agreement He has with the 'other guy'. I have learnt that my expertise in emotional blackmail doesn't work with God. I remind Him that He is my Father and has a responsibility to shield me (like He ever forgets). With all my many tricks, sometimes the situation doesn't change immediately but life still goes on. Eventually, I tell myself that I will work around it somehow. Some days become better than the previous ones. Some days I experience a relapse but that doesn't change time from going by. Suddenly, someday in the future, I look back and remember how painful it all was and how it now makes perfect sense. How trivial it seems today and how the past concerns pale in comparison to the new worries. As time went by, my life went on, I grew, I aged, I became wiser, my perspective changed.
I encourage you to look past your present situation, holding on to the hope that sometime in the future it will all make perfect sense. Even if doesn't make sense to you in the future, it won't hurt as much as it does today. You may cry every day, not know where the next meal or pay cheque may come from, your lover may have broken your heart beyond repair, time seems to be against you, lose a lost one, be fighting for your life, looking for a child, be homeless, called worthless and useless… It will all pass
I know the pain seems unbearable, it's ripping you apart but take it from someone who has been there, God gives the greatest battles to His strongest soldiers. Someday, you will wake up to find out that the pain is all gone. If He trusts you enough to allow you go through some things, you may have to trust Him enough to know that you are going to emerge victorious. Every storm I've been through has changed me in more ways than one. It doesn't make the new storm more bearable, it just serves as a reminder that if I survived one, I very well can survive all.
Remember the story of the caterpillar and butterfly? We are all a little rough around the edges, we need to be smoothened out. Some of the stories I tell today are as a result of the challenges I faced in the past. You cannot encourage someone, when you don't totally understand what they are going through. You cannot totally understand it, if you haven't been there. It is not always gloomy; we have experienced exceptional moments in our lives. As we celebrate those moments, also remember to be thankful for the bleak days. Of what use is light, if there is no darkness in the first place? How are you going to give that beautiful testimony, if you don't go through the test?
I have a new mantra this year, when it hurts, when my heart is falling apart; I take a moment to…
Just BREATHE!
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